Oh, we thought we were out of the woods, didn't we?
I figured that the particularly unstable symptom of losing my shit over the tiniest thing had long since passed, along with morning sickness (which actually struck again early one morning in month five, outside my house as Sam and I left for the airport... turns out baby revels in 5am starts and flying as much as I do...) and constant exhaustion.
I was wrong.
I felt daft at the end of the first trimester for the silly things that made me cry, but I cut myself some slack because pregnancy aside, things weren't as peachy as usual. So when I sat back with red eyes and mused in disbelief over the fact that I'd just cried over not being able to find a pair of scissors, I also just thought
'You're doing your best, Aims. Go get yourself a Jammie Dodger and I'll make us a nice cuppa.'
Cue more crying because I'm just so damn nice to myself.
Anyway. It turns out that those hormonal oddities weren't quite yet behind me.
In fact, as I write this, I fear that nor are they quite over.
But here we go. In the name of the honest, messy account of pregnancy that this blog has come to be, here are a few more absurd stimuli for the waterworks.
1. Because I didn't know what I wanted for dessert.
2. Because I almost bought the wrong flavour of yoghurt. I actually didn't buy the wrong flavour of yoghurt but the very notion of nearly having blackcurrant in the fridge instead of strawberry was too much to bear.
3. Because I left the dog home alone for a couple of hours and just wanted to phone him, but I couldn't.
4. Because someone called me efficient with my emails and I just couldn't get over the fact that she'd said such a lovely thing. (There you go, Sam - don't tell me I look beautiful ever again, just compliment my admin skills instead...)
5. Because Beluga whales exist.
6. Because the lady in the corner shop told me to have a nice evening when I'd had a horrible day.
7. Because I didn't know if I wanted to watch Harry Potter or not.
8. Because I didn't think I was going to be able to give birth. When I was 13, we had to make an electrical circuit at school and mine was the only one in the entire year group that didn't work. Upon remembering this school memory, I was convinced labour was going to be the same. Hopefully minus a soldering iron, however.
9. Because I missed the dog. I'd seen him 20 minutes prior.
10. Because I asked Sam for a hug and he said 'Yep, just let me go open that letter.', at which point I sobbed like a child once he'd left the room.
At this point, I feel it necessary to shine a light on that poor person who has been there through most of these emotional spats I've had through pregnancy.
I've seen him experience bewilderment, confusion, frustration and the worst one of all, concealed amusement.
It's painful to see a loved one upset - it's even more painful to suppress a laugh at the sheer idiocy. It's exponentially more painful not to snap at them for being so stupid, like crying at the idea of how horrendous a baby shower would be.
If anyone reading this knows Sam, for the love of God buy the poor bastard a beer next time you see him.
Thanks for not having me committed, babes.